Brazilian Darkness

There is a rogue chocolate namer at large in the Roses organisation.

One of my splendid birthday presents yesterday was a large box of Roses chocolates, and some happy minutes were spent reading the legend on the back, but I was brought up short on my nostalgic journey through the comforting and traditional glade of 'Orange Cream' and 'Hazel Whirl' by the startling 'Brazilian Darkness'.  Brazilian Darkness?! Did no-one consult the style guide to the coach tour chocolate market: the format of upright box that fits in the shopper, a good range of soft centres and toffees ideal for both fixed and glass-by-the-bed teeth, the 'you know what it is from the shape' design?

Roses are a heritage range; you know where you are. They are also a milk chocolate range, and I believe that herein lies the explanation. Someone, somewhere, decided the moment had come to introduce a dark chocolate, which is bold for a generation brought up on Milk Tray and never fully convinced by Black Magic. Overwhelmed with their own exoticism, the rogue namer went straight for the Joseph Conrad effect with a mysterious latino edge, redolent of canoeing down the Amazon to meet primitive peoples, or dancing wildly with a dusky eyed beauty as the sun sets over the Copa Cabana.

Sadly for Roses the conoisseur has moved on already, and now buys their dark chocolate by the percentage: 'Ecuador 40%' and so forth. Brazilian is also a dangerous moniker to use, meaning so many things in our modern times, and not always two days of carnival on a 10 package tour to South America with Thompsons.

But the client group is probably safe from all that. The rogue Brazilian Darkness is merely the mystery player in the troupe; the single dangerous moment in the box when you can break out from 'Strawberry Dream' and 'Country Fudge' - a spot of excitement on the long journey from Yorkshire to Tyndrum with Highland Holidays. Well take it from me, it's not. They should have stayed with the programme and not raised hopes.It is a slightly dark chocolate caramel, and not a very good one at that.

If you think this is not an important enough subject for a blog, just let me ask you this: would you prefer an under-researched and pre-judged tirade on the intafada? No? Well tough. That might be next.